happy new year!

its 2009. woosh how time flies. before we even realise it. it's a brand new year. brand new start. forget the past, look towards the future. urgh, i sound so mature.

i cant believe 2008 ended just like that. ahh at least i went out for a proper celebration instead of cooping myself at home, keeping track of who's online,and who's not. hahahah

i sound like a pathetic loser right. i admit, i am one. but who the hell cares??

anyway, i kicked start my 2009 by pushing the limits of my home rule. i broke my curfew =D which is bloody awesome because i used to be this timid mummy's girl. it isn't cool to be rebellious but it's okay to step out of the comfort zone once in a life. afterall, you only live once.

and i met this guy who's really hilarious and i am really looking forward to meeting these kinda people when i go abroad. funny, humorous, outgoing and rich.

coolest part is that he gets so comfortable with strangers, it feels as though i'd knew him since primary.

my first hour of 2009 was really eventful and i hope it remains exciting for the rest of the year...

new year's resolution??

lose weight!!!!
good results for the entire year!!!
get a boyfriend!!

thats allllll toodlesss..time for bed..:D

HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR<3

Va ca va ca va ca tion

Ahhh, new year's coming. This year's SO fast! It has been a helluva hectic year ( on a random note, i hate people using helluva, it's so mengada ada. But I just wanted to test the word out and yucks, so mengada ada)

So how was your 2008? Mine has been pretty good I shall say. I can't ask for more..New friends new environment. Was very refreshing. But I could have done better without O* in my class.

My resolution for 2008 was getting into XX university and losing 5 kgs.

XX university---checked
Losing 5kgs--- bring forward to 2009-.-


Adding 2 kgs in 2008---checked -____________________-

Hopefully I'll be out celebrating my new years and not rotting at home which is extremely sad!!! I WANNA BE COOL LAAAAA

I WANT A BOYFRIEND! I WANT MY NEW YEAR'S KISSSSS (french:P)

Okay, it's sounding a little too desperate=/

OH welllllll, hopefully 2009 would be more awesome than 2008 =D


MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE

I was told...

that C* had a crush on me earlier this year. I knew about it. With the constant phone calls and smses every hour, every girl would have suspected as well. Even outsiders were sensing something was up. But I denied and it eventually faded off.

I was browsing through this random blog and I felt pretty much jealous when she wrote "C took me out for movies and dinner". How cliche is that??? But I was jealous. Still am jealous.

He took me out for movie once and we had a simple snack after that. That's about it. And after he became "cool", everything stopped. The phonecalls, the smses, even the webcam sessions we had on msn.

But I knew this was going to happen. He started smoking, drinking, clubbing....and that was a complete turned off for me. However, this tiny voice of mine wished that he had pursued his courting (on me, that is).

Yawn. Teenage drama.

Oh well, it's obvious he has a crush on this girl. She's gorgeous by the way.

But I'm smarter. BLEH. Brains over beauty > : (

I'm bitter

I'm sad..I'm bitter and I want to cry.
By far, the worst year ever:(
I can't wait to go abroad, and start a new batch of friends.

Hormonal

It sucks being a girl sometimes. You get hormonal every month. Also known as PMS. But us girls usually use this excuse for the extreme behaviour. I'm not giving any ideas for throwing fits whenever you like. But sometimes our hormones just go berserk and there we are, eating a whole tub of ice cream and stuffing our face with chocolates. It's not a pretty sight but you have to bear with it guys.

I'm currently awaiting my BUDDY to arrive and she hasn't which pisses me off! Every month, I would morph into a scary glutton and my emotions are unstable. It's really annoying. Now I'm feeling really worthless....unappreciated and fat. I turned down a few outings just cos I feel ugly and I don't have enough clothes to cover the ugly sight of me. I know this is bollocks. But really, the hormones are really getting to me. Oh friend, please drop by ASAP.

I want a boyfriend. I want one. I want to lie on his big muscular shoulder and I want to feel every heartbeat of his.

I want to be pampered and I want to pamper him... I want him to kiss my forehead whenever I'm feeling ugly,worthless and fat. I want him to tell me I'm beautiful.

Unfortunately, I have huge commitment issues and I feel that every guy does not deserve me. I think so highly of myself. Okay, you see this ranty post?? Blame it on the hormones alright?? Why can't guys have period! Don't you dare say " Because we have to support a family and it's inconvenient for us to have blood dripping out of our penises"

OHHHH as though ladies can't be breadwinners !??! We have red gooey stuff flowing out our vagina and I don't see them complaining!

THIS IS SO UNFAIR.. We constantly have to look good. Which reminds me, I have a friend who was talking about how appalled he was by the way I eat. What, I'm a girl with big appetite. You have a problem with that??? Anyway, he was reminding me that those calories are gonna hurt my (already) huge thighs. So I said the same thing to him ( he had a heavy lunch btw)...and to my horror he replied " It's okay, I'm a guy. It's okay to be fat"

LIKE WHOAAA??!? Who said so?? Who set that rule???

No! Guys are supposed to be lean and muscular.....

HMPHHHHHHHH

Omg.. I can't stand the hormonal me. Somebody, tell me a joke. Make me laugh. BOOHOOOHOOO

You know what..

disgusts me. Bloody merciless snatch thieves. Especially drunken ones who attack their prey with full force.

This is a true story.

Just a few hours ago, an innocent passerby was on her way home. Little did she now she was trailed by some lifeless drunken muthafucker. Not one, not two but four comfortably seated in 2 motorbikes. They attacked her from the back, hitting her forehead with a vodka bottle. Not the pussy 7-eleven vodka. But the thick vodka bottle. Something like a Jack Daniels bottle.

It smashed into tiny pieces. Almost debris-like. Yes, they were as merciless as that. Bloody muthafucker. I would not state the race of those idiots but I hope they burn in hell. I never liked those people. Smelly, ugly and disgusting.Fortunately, the victim was only bleeding on her forehead without any other severe injury. She was still able to walk on her own. Tough stuff.

Though she screamed for help. Us being typical Malaysians wouldn't dare to step out of their respective homes to offer a hand. Why? Scared those bastards whack the heck out of us lah. Thats why. We're are so selfish it disgusts me. I disgust myself. And I despise those lifeless fuckers who seek pleasure by torturing others.

Get a life geez

Holy crap

I'm so fucking scared it's not even funny...

Wish me luck readers, fucking results are out by morning.

The thought of it makes me tummy lurch : (

Ahh I swear to god, I'll work my ass off if I get the uni of my choice!!

I PROMISE:(:(


why do i have a bad feeling that I'm not going to be able to enter XX University????

This sucks ball

WTH

wth wth wth why is everybody asking me out now!??!

Okay on tuesday. I have to ffk my transporter friend H because my best friend is coming back! Of course i gotta set my priorities right! I can't be ditching my best friend for someone whom i've only known for a few months?? But my conscience is killing me cause he fetches me home after tuition and it's as though I'm using him only. Which is quite true but NAH i still have a conscience.

And IF i oblige to the outing my best friend suggested, I cant be going out with another transporter and this dude which i dont really care about. But this particular female transporter sends me to college but Im paying her la so whatever...

Ahhhh and on wednesday this dude who sits the same transport to college which happens to be that female transporter's ( i shall name her W*) classmate..asked me out with his other classmates. I can go for this one but I got a slight tingling feeling that uhm W* won't be very happy if I go cause you know I'm not from her class and stuff. Abit awkward la you know.

So rejecting W's classmate was really tough! Cause I kinda think he's hot and we met at some secluded place that I've never heard of. Could it be fate?! Hahahah I dont know. So happen that the place we met is called "Lover's Bridge" . Coincidence much???

And then, the guy whom I went out on a date with asked me out on Saturday. I can go, but I don't want to again because I made a pledge not to meet him this week? But his invitation was erm random. And I don't feel so bad rejecting him as much as W's classmate

Okaayy I think Y* (the guy I dated few days back) has a crush on me =/

He just said " Do i have a chance??"

Oh god. This is not the time!

Glad

I feel like ranting my heart out. I know I'm not in the position to do so. Since it's my day and I have another 15 minutes. Why not?
The thing is, I expected A* to surprise me with something today but he didn't!!!! At least visit me or something lah. But HE DIDN'T.

I know i know, I have no feelings for him and I'm expecting him to do such stuff for me. Quite bitchy. Ahhh nothing happened at all!! I was patiently waiting for him to arrive with a bouquet or roses or at least a simple gift but NADA!

And my "best friends" fell asleep when they were supposed to "surprise" me. Argh so angry. I was anticipating their arrival. Dressed up in sparkly cheongsam top and stuff...the next thing I know was a sms saying that his lovely ( disgustingly obnoxious) girlfriend is napping. OMG pissing off or not????

AHHh and now my actual best friend is hinting to me to tell her boyfriend she wants to go to the place this guy planned for my birthday! I dont let!!!

She's not as pretty as I am!! And she has a boyfriend. I know i'm not supposed to say that cause she's my bestest friend ever but still!!! It's so unfair. She gets all the guys she's interested in and I don't even stand a chance!!!! : ( And it's my big day but there's nothing eventful!!!

IM VERY SAD NOW OKAY

yappy yappy

Though i've reached the age of "maturity", I feel nothing less like a child. Sitting back at home. Self reflecting.

These holidays, the time for myself is so limited. I can't sit and ponder on my future and what not.

On this very special occasion, I've decided to stay home, and rot (haha).
Catch up on stufff that I've promised to accomplish. Hello, time to bear the consequences of irresponsibility.

Ahhh, now all i need is a hot cup of milo and I'll hide myself in my little coop.

Oh and yapps yapps :)

Turnover

Okay the date went well. I was impressed on how spontaneous he can get. And how comfortable he made me feel. However. Yes, there's always a bad side for everything. He spoiled the whole thing by smsing A*....And my instincts are telling me that A*'s pretty damn pissed off.

and the worst part. HE can be so insensitive of how A*'s feeling. IT makes me smile. =S

What the fuck is wrong with me. Am I that attracted to bad boys???

I do admit he's better with the ladies but that's what players do!!


ARGH wake up you crazy woman. A* has been waiting all year and this dude just came into your life for few months, and you're already crazy over him!!!! INSANEEEEEE > : (

Big girl already ah!

I cant believe what I am about to commit myself.
I'm going on a date with this guy who looks like a faggot in my high school.
I'm not desperate. I'm just bored. Hahahah this is worse than randomly adding people on facebook.
Ohmygod.

Tomorrow will so be awkward can die. I feel like backing out right now. I'd rather be bored at home than to watch HORROR (most probably) movie with a stranger...

Why do I keep doing thissssss -______________-


Errrrr nothing wrong with taking chances right????


On a totally unrelated note, my best friend is so digging information for A* ...I'm just playing stupid because I AM a materialistic ho ;)

Make me smile

I'm so damn excited and at the same time, dreading my birthday! Who to call who to call? What's A* gonna get....dumdumdum

Ah, blogging mojo kapoof.

Till then (:

The new begining

Christmas is approaching!
How time flies!

And the best part! My birthday's coming. But I never liked birthdays, especially mine. I used to have a friend who has the same birthday as me, and hers was always better than mine. More extravagant. And every single year, I would dread my birthday because I don't have huge parties with popular people attending it. I feel so lonely sometimes, I can cry.

This year is different. I'm more mature. More stable. I realise that those huge parties are merely a show. The birthday girl/boy only talk to 10% of the guests and 90% are just acquaintances.

My friend S* inspired me that birthdays are meant to be spent with true friends. Those that have your back when you're in deep shit. And finally, after years of feeling worthless and emotional about the upcoming event, I am now actually quite excited about it :)

Reallly! I was flashing back on J*'s birthday. She had a huge party thrown for her but she only spoke to 5-6 people??? The rest weren't even her friends! Hahah that made me chuckle a little...

Oh and today, i went out with my crush! Okay, the feeling just evolved after the outing! Hahahah, he's really cute, to me. and funny! and childish! But it's all cool. However, he's damn skinny. I think his arms are like HALF OF MINE???? bah

I'm a happy happy girl :)

Okay?

Second post of the night.

Today was rather dramatic.

My best friend just got together with this guy.

My close friend is on the verge of breaking up with her boyfriend.

My close friend needs to consider this guy before accepting him.

While I am boyfriendless. Not that I can't have one. I have this perfect guy waiting for me. Just becuase I'm so shallow, I can't accept his physical flaws.

I hate to say this, but I want a boyfriend right now. I am feeling desperate and I need love. I want someone to care for me. I want someone to love me. I want someone to hug me when I'm sad .

My best friend isn't the prettiest girl on earth and neither is she the thinnest. But she accepted the guy for what he is. Even if he isn't the most good looking guy on earth. And ends up happily ever after. Really, she gave me a wake up call.

You can't always get what you want.

Today, A* picked me up, got down from the car, and escorted me in. He even bought my fav drink and it's on the other end of Earth (exaggerated). But you get my drift, it's quite a distance from my house.

And i didn't even thank him properly! Argh, sometimes I feel so unsure of what I'm feeling. One moment I like him, the next, I'm cold to him...

And when I'm cold, I'm super mean.

Two days ago, I was so cold to him, I completely ignored him and I was so sure that he was not the one and I dont give two fucks even if he was all blue and emo...

Just yesterday, the biggest event of the year, I left him alone BUT i did camwhore with him. Though I didnt entertain him much. At least we got picture of both of us : )

Now I'm confused all over again. I've warned myself to not allow desperation overpower my senses. And i've failed.


Oh just an update. Remember how i bitch about how B* was backstabbing me and mindfucking me??? Turns out that he is actually in loved with me and is jealous over the whole A*-liking-me drama. Since he's going back to his hometown in a day time, he figured its best to confesss. :S

Argh MUMS

You know how annoying it gets when your mum says " No more going out"
Especially when it's after your FINALS. and you have 3 whole months of pure holiday. No stress, no pressure.

How fucking annoying it gets when she insist that you have to clean your room or else there won't be any yam char sessions for you.

You know how fucking embarrassing is it to report to your mum in front of your friends. Especially when your phone volume is slightly too loud, they can practically hear your mum shouting on the other side of the phone.

You try to make your mum sound cool. You try to make your family sound perfect.

But deep inside, it isn't that perfect afterall.

Right now, my mom is acting so unreasonable its getting me on my nerves.

Not only my sister is an instigator. She HAS to talk bad about my friends, about how bitchy are they and how I succumb to peer pressure. Like hello, I'm old enough to actually take responsibilities for my own actions.

I dont smoke, I dont club and as pathetic as it sounds, I only clubbed once.

And I'm not an alcoholic. What more do you want from a daughter?

I get excellent results (not so sure for my finals though).

I don't demand for branded goods.

I stick closely to my curfew.

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME??

I've been good all year round for hell's sake. Urgh, SO annoyingg.

Gah, writing this post isn't making me feel any better.

When dawn arrives

Okay time for some random blogging. Since I'm mentally blocked right now and I can't seem to concentrate... I shall list down few of my worst fears

1) Disappointing my parents

Yes it true. Worst than spiders, scorpions, cockroaches....you name it. I'm not exactly the goody goody girl but when it comes to filial piety, *raises hand* I'm in. Of course I do rebel on certain circumstances and I do hate my parents sometimes for being annoying....The thought of letting them down especially when they expect the most out of you, it's terrible. You know you could have done better but you just didn't.

Aaahhh I'm about to face that pretty soon. The money sucking institution is gonna publish my final results in December and it scares me cause i did TERRIBLY in it.

No I'm not "underprudencing" it. Holy shit, accounts.

Okay, hilang mojo. STUDY STUDY STUDYYYYY
























SORRY BUT I REALLY DO NOT LIKE YOU AT ALL. STOP IT. ARGH PISSING OFF SHITHEAD.


"HIE I"M SHITHEAD AND MY JOB IS TO ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE.BYE"

You know what pisses me off

I can't express how pissed I feel right now. That feeling that it's impossible to put into words. This feeling so intense I feel like ripping my hair off and giving the other party one tight slap. I'm angry can you tell?

You know what pisses me off so badly? Two faced mother fucking backstabbers. Okay I agree that everyone backstabs. But this particular close friend of mine, is actually trying to manipulate me. As though I do not own a brain capable enough to interpret what's going on. Yea, I pull off a blur appearance frequently, but that's only an act darling. It's the real world, everything is vague.

Ok let's not get railed off,

This particular close friend of mine, B* ..and note the CLOSE FRIEND. Which disgusts me even more because I sort of trusted him as a friend and he is actually trying to mindfuck me into doing something that would hurt other people. How cruel is he?

And I assured him that everything would be gone and forgotten by the end of the year but he INSISTS that I have to tell my another friend A* off in the face. And his excuse was to "clarify things"..."don't leave it hanging"

Yeah I know I'm not supposed to mingle around with people's feeling..of course I know very well of that because I believe in karma. But B* has this sadistic side of him and this spoilt jealous little brat who's so insecure of himself prefers to see both of his close friends ( A* and I) in a fight. Yes A* and I now are very close. In fact, we're closer than friends.

B* is fucking jealous that I might just not consult him on my "personal problems" , which I would like clarify, NEVER did. And he has such high inferiority complex its absofuckinglutely disgusting.

Thank god I wouldn't need to see him for the rest of the year after this weekend or else I'll seriously gag at the sight of him. Might vomit out my intestines. Yes, it's that severe.

I'm still so damn pissed and blogging about it isn't helping much. I should totally bitch about him to my friends about the plot that B* cooking up with.

Seriously, it's amazing how someone can appear so gentle and kind at the beginning, within months, transformed into Hyde.

Amazing and you get a standing ovation for that B*

Hey

Hey, have you ever been in a dilemma. A choice made up subconsciously, but you insist that the other option will do more good?
Are you afraid of what people has to say about you, therefore being pretentious.

Don't you think that's obnoxious?

Because, I personally think I am that. I'm very much afraid of what the world has to say about me.
Sometimes I feel so plastic, it's disgusting.

Recently, I felt something new. Something that I never thought I would feel. The feeling so strong, that even my conscience can't resist.

I think I'm in loved.

My heart yearns for him whenever he's away. Thinking of what he's possibly doing. What's he's up to. For once, I'm excited about the upcoming event. Not to mention, anxious at the same time.

However, I'm very disturbed about his physical disability. Oh, call me shallow.

Oh what the heck, love is blind



Editted:

Maybe it was just a one-day chemistry. Now the feeling is lost and I'm so afraid that it'll grow in me again.

The bitter parting

People always leave. I quote Peyton from One Tree Hill. Oooh, she has always been my inspiration.
It's almost the end of 2008 and I have to say that it has been the funnest most exciting year I've ever had. Definitely one of the best years ever, hands down.

The new faces, new environment, new life.

We can see who succumbed to peer pressure the most and who hasn't. How they unleash their inner personality.

The bad and good influence.
Clubbers and nerds.


Splits the social group into two equal sections.


The courting and flirting.
Fun fun fun!


Lastly, the ones who really treasure you as a friend.

Priceless.


p:s Thank you for the memories <3

Oh the cottage cheese!

I just had the most sinful dinner ever.....One large mcvalue meal from Mcdonalds. Why does it have to be so scrumptious! Is it just blatantly impossible for something yummy to be contain zero calorie? Why can't it be that way?
I remember those days where I was so weight conscious, I abstained from Mcdonalds for the entire year! I'm not kidding and it worked. I lost 10 kgs in 6 months. Obviously I do exercise when I have the opportunity to. And at that time, I was pretty stressed up. So I guess that played a part in my attempt to lose weight.
After the over rated occasion (which i shall not disclose), I went back to my old eating habits and pooof, I'm back to my usual XX kg. URGH, why do I gain weight so easily whereas other girls eat like a monster and still remain as skinny as ever. That's so unfair.

"Bear with it, that's life"


I am not satisfied with that answer I'm telling you!


Just take a look at the caloric value. Insane!!!!!! I'm supposed to be eating only 2000 calories per day and with a tiny little mcvalue meal, it swallows one quarter of my daily caloric intake already!!! Geeeeeeeee















*click to enlarge



MMmmmmmm but the mcflurry mudpie is awesomee

The heartbreaker

"No I'm not a heartbreaker"

That's what they all say. But what defines a heartbreaker? A person who plays along with other people's feelings or one who dumps a person for another?

Somebody give me an exact definition please!

I'm in a HUGE dilemma right now, whether to give in or not. In my situation, I can't be labelled as a heartbreaker but if I look from O's* point of view. I'm pretty damn harsh and definitely ,without a doubt, should directly be downgraded as a heartbreaker.

In my entire life, I've never coupled. Ok fine, I did when I was younger but that was only through telephone conversation. No physical contact, no touchy touchy. Purely sms and telephone calls. And I regret dearly for that. My tainted first love. Eww, sorry *H , but I refuse to acknowledge you as my ex because we really DIDN'T couple if you think about it.

The whole thing was just " I love you *sends text msg*" ..." I love you tooo *sends text msg*". And it lasted for only one week. How can you say that's coupling leh you tell me.

Back to my dillemma.

Back in highschool, I only made S* cried for me. Oh the power of love. Now, we can make that two because O* was pouring his heart out and he was crying. OH MY GOD. I am terrible with words! I say things that are so prickly it hurts and really, I don't mean it at all....When a guy cries for you, you know he's dead serious. Yes guys? No guy would ever break their ego-shield and appear less macho in front of a lady.

My friends always question me , " Why wouldn't you accept O*? He's super nice, friendly, rich and not-bad-looking what" Honestly, I don't know. Some may also throw nasty comments " You're so relentless, god , you think you so pretty is it" OUCH???

Do YOU think I wouldn't want such a perfect guy??? Such guy who would walk with you to toilet just because you wanna pee. A guy who would run 10 miles just to get you a bottle of coke?? You think I don't want that?? I just can't cope with a guy who so nice to you to the extent that you can't breathe. You're forced to live up to the nice-ness that he showers you with. It's like a friggin competition!

However, it breaks my heart to know that I cause such misery to a person. A girl who's oversized for her age shouldn't be capable of doing that. Anyone who claims that love isn't blind can eat cow dung.

" Eww you're such a heartbreaker"

" No, I'm not a heartbreaker"


p/s: to O* I'm sorry for everything I've said or done. You deserve someone better. Someone who can treat you the same way you treat the person.

One.

I've never thought of blogging publicly, especially with my shy, introvert attitude. I used to have a perception that blogs are only for cool people. After all, blogging was introduced vastly back when I was in high school (by a very famous girl) which made me paranoid about blogging. I care very much of what the rest have to say. What comments and opinions they have in mind and I don't think I've ever done anything willingly without caring of what others think. Pathetic? Carry on reading and you'll find how greatly I succumb to peer pressure.

Just for kicks, I would remain completely anonymous here ( Ahhh, blame it on the shyness)... Okay fine, I'll reveal bits and pieces . Hahah, doesn't it feel like gossip girl already, cept for the gossipy part. Xoxo, you know you love me. Who am I kidding??? I'm a teenager seeking desperately (for attention, kidding!) for a place to spill the beans to willing readers who doesn't scan through blogs for pictures -___-. I know everyone does that. Sadly, this blog would not contain any picture of me, myself and I.. Secretive enough or not?

I'm not drop dead gorgeous. Unfortunately, I do not have smacking body. But I don't think I'm fat either. I'm just BIG.. And voluptuous women are the IN thing right now okay? I know what you guys are thinking. By now I guess you figured that I am a girl Hahaha. I know you guys would think "Wah this girl damn emo right, nothing better to do". Seriously, I have NOTHING better to do.

For the past few years, I've created several blogs.Many of them, okay scratch that, all of them are/were on privacy mode. So who reads it? you ask. Me myself and I. Sad, but true. It's where I can bitch as much as I want. Scream my lungs out. Complain about every minor detail of how imperfect my life is and how XXX's life is going so well.But now, I have moved on to the public. Sharing my slightest detest with the rest, hopefully someone would feel the same way. Hahah (EMOEMOEMO!)

Alright, till then : )